He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
A reason for us to be drunk all week National Singles Week
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
is telling someone you can be his trophy wife the same as proposing?
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
