sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
she said she'd blow me if I bought one of her sorority raffle tickets. Goddamn it's gettin easy
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just got hit with cramps and found a mystery pill. I'm gonna stay put for an hour and at least see what happens.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
