Question: If I woke up with one eyebrow mysteriously missing, do I shave the other one to match?
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
I have invented a new sport: freshman-watching. I'm sitting on our porch literally dying watching the freshmen run around trying to find parties
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
The salt made it so good this margarita is touching my soul. I swear I'm not high BUT I want elote in a cup with the insides of a shrimp taco. I think that would make my life complete.
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