Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Dude you should see the looks were getting for ordering a pitcher of beer with breakfast.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Bang-toberfest begins!!
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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