Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
