so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
No, we ended up finding him drunk at a bus stop downtown sitting on the bench asking people for chocolates and amazing stories to "rid his mind of his whore of a girlfriend"
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I'm in my winter jacket and nothing else. very drunk. bring bitches.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
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