Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
you were so high you spent the rest of the night smelling pepper to prove you can sneeze with your eyes open
This is getting serious. I keep forgetting what's in my vagina.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
This is the first time I have ever hoped it's poison ivy on my cock
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
