If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
Randomize
