I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
This is John, I met you downtown last night.
Oh, ok.
This is the cop that kept you out of trouble last night
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
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