I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
There is a video recording of my birth. I have seen it. It is terrifying.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Randomize
