I was so high i believed someone when they told me le moyne beat syracuse
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
