I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
What drink are we having for lunch?
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
Itd be nice if there was a level of interest in me somewhere in between the indifference and obsession that I've only been attracting
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
