maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
