My boogers are black from last night. So that's either from all the colored hairspray or inhaling all of the tragedy from the party...
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
she peed on how many people?
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
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