My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
we cut you off when you started chasing with your slim fast shake
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