did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
This would be a good time for the don't get drunk and bang a married chick pep talk...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize
