Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
Congratulations! We have a period
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
