you win again, gameday.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Most men with as many freckles as you aren't vagina magnets. You are an exception to your kind.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
Everytime I get drunk I wake up hugging the bag of bagels from three months ago
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
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