Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
it's like my freshman wet dream come true
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
Randomize
