What happened to our ballroom dancing plans
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Randomize
