Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
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