Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I'm going out w/ her for her b-day in a bit. I just talked to one of her drunk friends on the phone who asked if I could "handle 7 lesbian." This could be interesting.
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
So this whole chlamydia situation totally puts a damper on my back to school sex schedule, there's just no way of knowing who of them was the perpetrator... Time for new candidates
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize
