Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I had a nursing patient tell me that her favorite drink was vodka and ensure...called it a colorado bulldog
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Also, since I switched back to this phone I've found a crop of dick pics and your funeral arrangements.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I put the area codes from ludacris' "area codes" into our expensive data visualization software at work, it's been a productive day
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
