I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
I told him he deserved someone better...then I told him he looked very fuck-able wearing nothing but sweat pants. We'll break up in the morning.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
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