I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
I need to mount that unicorn and turn him into a full blown steed.
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
