I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
One person in the car. Three blizzards. Alot of judging.
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
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