i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Beer and Reeses. dinner of champions
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