i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
I think I could pass a breathalyzer. But with like a C.
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
Randomize
