just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I'm right down the road from AJ's old house and I'm getting mixed feelings. My vagina is remembering good dick. But the rest of me is remembering horrible times.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Sean just lit a cig with his taser..... I am in awe
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