He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
you figure out which one you wanna sleep with, & I'll sleep with the other one. problem solved
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
wearing my roomate's scarf as a dress...halloween 2011 ladies and gentlemen
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
Randomize
