I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
hes totally cute, too bad i slept with his father
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
I think there's an ice cream truck out back, but there's no way I can get pants on in time to catch it
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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