its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
Just proof I should've brought the airhorn with me to class.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Trick or treaters just rang our doorbell
Give them the moldy beer cans, we need to get rid of those
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
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