i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
something must definitely be wrong with me if i'm chasing after a guy who cant even get it up
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
