Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
I have to have boobs, you have the charm and wholesomeness that gets boyfriends... And i have boobs
Randomize
