So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I just found a beer bottle in my xmas tree while disassembling it. God, I'm going to miss the holidays.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
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