I feel like your standards for women is like rent-a-centers standards for credit.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
why do cheetos always look like penises
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I just watched a stripper purchase $43 of Rockstar and corn nuts. Godamnit! We need helmet cams.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
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