I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
We decided to try to steal hot dogs but it ended up with me punching him in the face and crying. Pretty solid night
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
We figured you were on something when you said that your nipples couldn't hear the music.
Randomize
