She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Currently cooking 3lbs of bacon in case the power goes out bc if even one slice of bacon goes to waste then sandy wins
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
I told myself I'd stop after three shots of fireball. Haha HA hA.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
