my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I feel like a food baby is going to burst from my stomach and eat all the leftovers until another food baby rips out of its stomach. And so on. It's truly a merry Christmas.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
Dude she is fucking shit up. Her baby would be proud
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
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