If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
