Already got asked if we're dating
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
He wanted to drink hypnotic from my butt crack. I need to move out this state.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
