I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
the wedding party just walked in to the song eye of the tiger. i'm getting drunk.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
