Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
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