I feel like I'm in dance class right now
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
leads to pukin, then cryin, then 24hr masturbatin binge, then cryin again and finally a combination of all 3
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Randomize
