He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
don't do it for the experience, do it for the story. now get your ass in that bedroom
It will be like a scavenger hunt.. only we're looking for places to have sex.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
