I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
You don't make any sense
TEQUILA
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
