He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
