My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
STOP TRYING TO FUCK MY DAD
THE HOT GUY IS YOUR DAD?!?!?!?!???
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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