I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Randomize
