the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
How hot? Like... how many hemsworths?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
