I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I could really do without pictures of your asses in my inbox. That said, I'm extremely jealous that I wasn't involved.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
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