just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
