Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
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