I think i peed on brittanys purse
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
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