i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
i'll...probably just offer you drugs?
i'll...probably take them in all honesty
Randomize
