She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
you kept saying "no santa, im not having sex with you. it's not your holiday".
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I’m really upset they canceled the conference. Since the divorce I’ve been working out, I bought cute new outfits and even found a bikini I liked. Now it’s all online. You can’t get laid at a webinar
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