No, drunk sperm still make babies.
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
We thought it was a good idea to send a picture to our HS science teacher where she's smoking a joint and I'm holding a monkey, and he invited us to lunch. NEW LEVEL UNLOCKED.
I can't. I'm not drunk enough for this information.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
After sex he brought chocolates and said he loves RuPaul's Drag Race. How many points does he score for that?
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
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