I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
If him repeating sorry while thrusting isn't makeup sex than I don't know what else is
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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