My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
bring money and cleavage
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
Randomize
